The ‘Why?’ Question
I know you’d do anything you could to get her, but to get her you have to first do everything you can for yourself.
In communication, what motivates your behavior is just as important as the behavior itself.
We all have known someone who was too “try hard,” someone who seemed desperate for the attention or validation of those around them. Maybe it was a guy at work who needed to always be right, or a girl who complained about everything so people would feel sorry for her, or the friend who did crazy things to impress his friends and be cool.
Likely these people annoyed you and they annoyed women.
When it comes to being non-needy, if you are trying to be non-needy so you can be more attractive, then you’re paradoxically being needy. I know that sentence probably made your brain explode, so let’s try it again.
You should adopt non-needy behaviors because you care about yourself and want to improve yourself. Attracting women should be a side-effect of that desire.
If you attempt to adopt non-needy behaviors in an attempt to impress others, you are still being needy. You are faking it, and you will eventually be exposed. The only way to develop a genuine attraction through women is by genuinely investing in yourself.
When it comes to expressing sexual desire openly, if you’re doing it because you think it’s what a woman wants to hear, then your actions are going to come across as inauthentic and she will not trust you. If you treat telling a woman she’s beautiful or sexy and want to sleep with her as a “line” or a “strategy” to be memorized or adopted, then women will smell your neediness like a rank pair of underwear and turn you down.
Expressing sexual desire is an internal process. It’s a process of removing your internal barriers to sharing your sexuality with others. Recognize that you will be rejected and turned down by a lot of women regardless of whatever you do. Accept this and appreciate it. But if you measure success with women by lack of rejection, then you will always be disappointed. If you measure success with women by the enjoyment and honesty of your interactions with them, then you can easily have a 100% success rate.
This is an internal and emotional process, not an external behavioral one. The external behaviors are an internal side effect, not the cause of the attraction.
And becoming an attractive man of status is a process of investing in yourself and caring about yourself. Again, this is an internal and emotional process — how you feel about yourself, how you perceive yourself, how much you care about yourself — and bringing beautiful women into your life is a side-effect of that internal investment.
External investment will lead you nowhere. At best, it will bring superficial or dysfunctional relationships, and at worst it will bring you absolutely nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing.
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